Life

I had every intention of blogging more when I last posted. Then life got the better of me. I took a LOA at work for a week to deal with some stuff and then I feel like day after day stuff just keeps hitting me. If you follow me or anyone else for that matter on Instagram you have heard of the loss of super sweet 3.5 year old Ryan. 

It was a tragic accident and I pray for the family. I've cried for a family I don't even know the last few days and I've cried for myself because of everything we are dealing with. It's just been a rough few weeks. 

Tonight was the kids school performance which I will blog about later on. Just wanted to stop in and say I'm alive. Im also throwing a selfie in cause I did my makeup for the show tonight and was feeling pretty good. 

Sometimes I take selfies

I was bored one day. 

Unbelievably sick

For spring break my bestfriend asked me if she could take the kids for a couple of days... Um... YEA. I dropped them off Sunday night and picked them back up Wednesday  evening. They had a blast and all that but when I got there Makayla wasn't feeling well. She was feeling very nauseous. I stayed a couple of hours to have dinner and hang out and by the time we left Makayla was vomiting. We had a LONG drive home so my bestie packed us some bags just in case she needed them. 

It's about an hour drive and most of it is through the dark country roads. Less than halfway through the trip Macie joins her sister with the vomiting. Seriously? So then I had 2 puking kids at 11:00 while I'm trying to focus on the road. 

We somehow by the grace of God made it home safely. I set up little blankets on the floor for the girls so they wouldn't run the risk of ruining their beds. They couldn't keep anything down. We were all up the entire night. It was awful. About 12 hrs later they were over it. My friend also got sick along with her kids.

Now fast forward to Saturday night. I worked all day and made it home a little before 11:00pm. I had felt weird all day but more like an anxious feeling so I figured it was just stress and nerves. I ate something for a quick dinner and around 11:15 I started vomiting. And DID NOT STOP. By 9:00 the next morning I had thrown up over 30 times and was so dehydrated I could barely walk. Obviously I had to call into work and hubs took me to the ER. 

I was there over 7 hours with IV fluids, nausea meds and pain relievers being forced into me. I was sooo sick. My heart rate was off because I was so dehydrated they said. I was in so much pain they gave me a shot of morphine to help. After that they released me and I started the slooooow recovery at home. This is day 3 of me calling in and I am better. Just not anywhere near 100%. I have no idea why everyone else was over it in 12 hours and mine lingered on and on. The only time I can remember being this sick was when I was pregnant with Makayla and got food poisoning. 

I'm praying this is behind us now and it doesn't reappear. 

I turned 30!!

It's been a while since I posted hasn't it? I've been so busy but I wanted to get this post done before I forget anything. I turned 30 yesterday (Saturday).  I have always been afraid to hit this new decade  but I had the most awesome birthday that it doesn't even phase me now that I'm here. I had to work 8.5 hrs first but then my dad and step family came to take me out to dinner. I choose the Olive Garden because its my favorite and I haven't been there for years. 

It was soooo good. We had an awesome time. The desserts were to die for. Pumpkin cheesecake, tiramisu and Italian donuts. I ended up with the dessert leftovers. After the restaurant we came back home and they gave me my gift. A Keurig coffee maker. I squealed. I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. To say I love it would be such a gross understatement. I have to keep stopping myself from just standing in the kitchen and staring at it. 

Tons of friends and family text me throughout the day and sent me birthday wishes. I am so blessed. 30 is going to be amazing.

This and that

Yesterday karate started back up again. The kids were so happy until we got there and discovered they have a new sensai. They almost quit but I told them that we just have to get to know the new one and it would be ok. It was stressful. 

On top of that I worked 24 hours Friday-Sunday and now I am scheduled for 6 out of 7 days and 35 hours this week. I am part time. When my manager asked if I wanted extra shifts I said yes. The computer screen told her that it was illegal to schedule me so much if she didn't have my permission. I gave it to her. I am exhausted. My aunt picked the kids up Friday and then I got them Sunday night after I got off. We got home a little after 9:00. 

I never knew the meaning off exhausted until now. Hubs came home with a trampoline for the kids last night! His friends didn't want it anymore so we got it. We are going to break the pool down since it was done anyway and put the trampoline back there. It even has the safety netting. Score! 

So that's my little mini update. I have a few pics I'll come back and post but for now I figured this quote would pretty much sum it all up. 

The hard reality

There's so much I want to post about. It's not happening any time soon. The reality is that there is no time. At all. For anything. I finally today had to embrace the fact that at least for a while we are going to be having frozen lasagnas and boxed meals for a while every night. I have NO time to cook. It's just ridiculous. So tomorrow when I go grocery shopping I'm just giving in. 

I won't even see the kids after Friday morning until Sunday night. Hubs works 12 hour days 6 days a week and with my schedule there is no choice but for my aunt to have them. We just all have to adapt. Cheer and karate are starting back up next week as well. I seriously am  panicking. 

I'll check in when I can. I cleaned off my nightstand today and when it was done I snapped this pic because it perfectly explains my life right now. A back that hurts so bad I can barely move and horrible insomnia because I can't shut down my mind at night. Nighttime lotion and calming air freshner for the win! 

Mama guilt, sports cream and pain

I'm gonna post this really quick. I worked all weekend. My body hurts sooo bad that all I can do is rub tons of Bengay on my back, neck and shoulders and bandage my blistered toes. I am so not used to working like this anymore. I know it's gonna take a while to get re-adjusted.

The other thing is the mama guilt. Since hubs works 6 days a week his only off day is Sunday. Which means Saturdays my aunt has the kids. I got home Saturday night around 10 and got 3 different phone calls (one from each kid) crying and telling me how much they miss me and that they don't want me working. The boy really got my heart with his comments. "I just miss you so much mommy. I don't like being away from my mama. I just want to be near you." Oh my lord it stabbed my heart. 

It was a rough weekend. I'm so tired and the poor house. Well.... There really aren't any words. I'm just doing the best I can and trying to take this change one day at a time. 

Here's a couple pics. Makayla finished  an awesome project while at my aunts house this weekend. Macie looked so cute this morning and I told her I wanted a pic. While snapping she got a major nose itch and started making weird facial expressions and moving her hands around so she wouldn't scratch it yet. Hilarious. 

Mostly a work update (and a few birthday pics)

I figured I would do a quick update on how it's going now that I am working again. The first day I had it all together. Cleaned the house perfectly and got all clothes laid out the night before. Had a good orientation and came home and still kinda had it together. 

Today was a different story. Didn't have it all laid out and came home from work and went directly from work to pick up the kids. I didn't get a lunch (my error) today and so I had to clock out of my shift 3 minutes early so my boss didn't get in trouble. If you work 6 hours by law you have to take a lunch. I didn't realize because we were on the computer all day so I had to leave to prevent issues. Other than a nutri grain bar I had in my purse I hadn't eaten all day. 

So when I got the kids I was starving and EXHAUSTED because I didn't get much sleep and then woke up, took the kids to school and then went straight to work. After we got home I reheated some leftovers and then I FELL ASLEEP on the couch. Hard core fell asleep. I woke up 3 hours later to a destroyed house and children making a mess. Not one of my finest parenting moments I must say. 

I am still so worn out. Don't get me wrong now. I am LOVING being at a workplace again and having adult interaction and all that. But combined with the rest of my life I am not just burning the candle at both ends. I am basically breaking the candle in half and trying to melt all four ends. I know I will get the hang of it eventually. All those things take time I guess. 

I don't have any really new pics to share tonight but I do have a few random ones from the Lego party my aunt gave the boy a few weeks ago. He is obsessed with all things lego. 

Guess who got a job today!

So....after a decade of being a SAHM I landed myself a part time job today. I'm already swamped and I haven't even started yet. My schedule is now beyond tight. Our whole family is going to feel these changes. It's good but at the same time it is kinda scary. 

My new schedule will go something like this. Up at the crack of dawn.

Get kids and myself ready for the day.

Drop kids off.

Head straight to work.

Get off and go straight to pick them up.

Come home and do daily duties. Homework, dinner, pet care, housekeeping, baths and then bed. 

Wake up and repeat.

It's going to be intense. I know it's the right choice right now. If it changes then we will re-evaluate later on. I'm tired. It's late and I'm turning in. Here's a pic I took the other morning. As we were heading out Makayla said "Take a picture of my shoes mom." And so I did. 

Exhaustion and Starbucks

I really don't have much to say today. I am TIRED. I don't sleep well at night. I haven't for 15 or so years. My body functions so much better on a nocturnal schedule. Ugh. I'm pulling out all the techniques I can to fall asleep at night. Nothing works. 

I try to sleep when the kids are at school. Today I ran errands instead. Now I'm picking the kids up and then boy has a dentist appt. I needed a pick me up. Enter Starbucks. Can we say lifesaver?? 

30 lbs. down!!!

I just wanted to share this really quick. Do you see that green number? I'm pretty proud of that number right now. I still have a long way to go to hit my goal but this is a great start.

It's hard. Really hard but I know this plan works. If you are on myfitnesspal send me a friend request. I would love to motivate some others. 

Thirty pounds down!!! Hooray!! 

Besties bday lunch

Today one of my best friends had a lunch  birthday get together. I got there a little early so I could sneak in and tell them to sing her happy bday. We were a group of 5. I didn't know anyone else there but I had a blast still. We were THAT table. You know the table everyone stares at and doesn't want to sit by because they are so loud. Yep that was us. 

We waited and waited and they hadn't come to sing her happy bday yet so I had to go ask them again. Finally they came out and to our shock they didn't do the normal big hat and singing. They smeared whipped cream all over her face and put a cherry on her nose. We were dying from laughter. 

We eat there ALL the time and they know us well so I guess they knew she would be a good sport about it. We had a great lunch without any kids. Sometimes it's so nice to get away. 

Tomorrow we are beach bound!! Can't wait!! 

Crossroads

I haven't been blogging much lately because I honestly don't know what to talk about. I have so many thoughts, feelings and conflicts that I could share but I'm not going to. Lots of time reflecting and trying to figure out which dreams to chase and which to let go of. None of them are easy choices and yet I'm faced with all of them at once.

It's trying. It's exhausting. I sat down the other night and wrote out a five year goal plan. In doing so I realized that I can't have it all. There are things on that list that conflict with each other and I have to choose. But I don't want to.

I'm hoping I start to sort some of it out soon. Everything is really ok. These are mostly my conflicts. The things that go through my head on a daily basis. I just need to find some balance.

And on a completely non related note I just have to share the cute little solar dancing ladybug I got at the dollar store. In sunlight the leaves and stem sway. It makes me happy every time I walk past my kitchen window.

Food makeover

It's late but I'm not really tired. Makayla has cheer camp tomorrow and she is beyond excited. I feel awful right now. It is my own doing though. I decided last night to stop eating meat for a while. I feel like my body needs to get an extra boost so this is the first step.

I started this morning with a fried egg and a green smoothie. I've snacked on nuts and larabars and for dinner I ate black beans and spanish rice in my tacos while my family ate yummy beef tacos. I know I'm doing the right thing but my body is FREAKING out right now. I'm hoping in a few days it will pass and I will feel amazing.

I'm sure I'll do an update on how my week
went with this. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

My haircut

I decided to cut my hair one day. I had been considering it and then I finally made the plunge. The lady cut my hair 4 inches shorter than I told her to. I came home and cried. It took me days before I finally accepted it.

Now I think I might like it. Maybe. It was approximately 10 inches that she cut off.
Here's a before and after.

Almost there!!!

I could spend an hour writing about the things going on around here. We are enrolling the kids in karate and cheer classes this coming week. To say they are excited would be the understatement of the decade.

I'm sure I will post more about all that but right now I have no time. This is what my bed looks like right now. Why you ask? I'm taking my FINAL exam! Just one exam stands between me and being a certified medical claims and billing specialist! I can't believe it is almost done. Exciting beyond words!!

This morning

This is an idea that came from Bluebirdbaby( blog link on the side in my blog list). My mornings don't always look the same. Sometimes I'm really busy and sometimes I have a ton of errands to run. Today is quiet.

I have on my fuzzy socks trying to stay warm. The heater is on.

I have a sore throat so I made coffee. There's nothing quite like hot coffee hitting a sore throat. I've eaten my usual breakfast of fried egg whites with lots of pepper.

I'm about to sit down and study. I am on the very last part of my course. I'll probably be working on it all day to get ahead.

This quiet morning is very welcome after the morning I had with my children. All three decided to throw attitudes before 7:00. Oh yes.... This hour is quite nice.

Goals??

I really don't like making new years resolutions. I feel like they are a setup for failure and by January 15th most people forget what their goals were. (I'm not saying this happens to everybody but a lot of people it does. Me being one of them.)

With that being said I felt the need to set a few goals for myself. This is going to be a big year for me. I know it's coming. I'm hoping that a list of goals/hopes will help me stay focused. Maybe at the end of the year I will do a post on what goals I kept. We will see how I do.

1. Start a career. I am about a month away from my degree. I am excited, nervous, scared, anxious. This one is huge for me. Life changing.

2. Hit my weight lost goal. This is another big one for me. I'm down 23. Only a million left to go it feels like.

3. Volunteer in the school clinic every week at least once. I'm doing good so far on the once a week. I'm hoping to continue it for at least this school year. Not sure what will happen once I start my career but I'm fairly certain I can squeeze it in at least occasionally.

4. Wear makeup everyday or at least almost every day. I used to wear makeup every single day. After having kids it became non existent on the priority list. I'd like to get back to it.

5. Learn patience with my kids. This is probably my biggest goal. I love my kids. They are my life. My awful little secret.... I have ZERO patience. ZERO. Helping with homework? By problem #2 I am frustrated, pulling out my hair and telling whichever kid it is to wait till daddy gets home to help them. Playing the Lego pirate game has been really nice because I have forced myself to be more patient. It's hard. But I'm trying.

There's some other smaller goals I have but I'm tired and can't really think of them right now. Plus they aren't as important as the ones above. I do plan to post more pictures of myself this year. I know blog readers love to see the person behind the blog so that is one of my small goals.

2013. You are gonna be BIG!

I need coffee

I'm in need of a huge amount of coffee this week. I spent all day in the school clinic
volunteering. Tomorrow I am baking all day for a charity bake sale and then Friday back to the clinic. I also have to squeeze in lots of my school work and quizzes and finish our Christmas tree at some point.

I'm off to make another cup of coffee.

Guess what I saw??

It's almost 1:00 am but I'm pretty awake. Breaking Dawn part 2 was hands down the best. They threw a twist in there that no one saw coming. You know a movie is great when the entire theater is yelling, cheering and crying at the same time. I had such a fun night out with one of my besties.

It was very very needed.